


Off Balance

by Eliabrith



Category: Top Gear (UK) RPF
Genre: M/M, Mentions of Hammond's Crash, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-25
Updated: 2018-08-25
Packaged: 2019-07-02 12:16:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15796353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eliabrith/pseuds/Eliabrith
Summary: Richard finds Jeremy is being uncommunicative for once.Originally posted to a group January 2007





	Off Balance

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Top Gear doesn’t belong to me it belongs to the BBC and Clarkson, Hammond and May belong to themselves.  
> This is fiction and in no way supposed to reflect real life.  
> This was started back in October 2006 when there was a lack of updates on Hammond's condition.

  
The house was quiet when Richard opened his eyes, it normally was but this was suspiciously quiet for late in the afternoon.  
  
Sitting up gingerly he was relieved when the migraine he’d had all morning didn’t make a reappearance. Yawning he reached for the glass sitting on the bedside table only to frown when he saw it was empty. A quick glance confirmed that the room was empty of his normally ever present carers so he swung his legs out and stood up slowly waiting for the pounding to return.  
  
The doctors had took him he was making a remarkable recovery so much so two of the doctors in Leeds were apparently writing a paper on him but sometimes it really didn’t feel like it, not when you still spent almost 16 hours a day asleep and on some days, when he’d done too much, at least three more suffering from headaches.  
  
Thankfully this looked like it could be one of his more trouble free afternoons. Snagging the glass he slowly made his way across to the door where he paused listening for where anyone was while pulling on his dressing gown.  
  
Since he’d been home he’d rarely had a minute to himself at least not while he was awake. Both girls had been doing excellent limpet impressions and after the first night home Mindy, with the help of his parents, had moved a mattress into their bedroom so the girls could sleep in with them and stop wandering in every few minutes to 'Check on Daddy'.

While happily they now left him to sleep, they had taken to doing their homework in the room on the mattress meaning as soon as he woke they could claim his attention.  
  
Out on the landing there was still no sign of anyone about or moving around below so he padded down the stairs in search of some juice which was the only thing left in the house as the one time he’d tried to sneak a beer it had interacted with his painkillers to produce some rather _interesting_ results. Or so Mindy told him.  
  
Downstairs was just as silent as upstairs as he made his way into the kitchen, Mindy must have taken the girls out somewhere. He was just lifting a clean glass down from the cupboard when something cold and wet touched the back of his knee just beneath the hem of his dressing gown.  
  
He yelped and whirled around brandishing the empty glass in front of him to see no-one there.

'Great now I’m going insane.' he muttered.  
  
At the sound of his voice a soft thumping issued from the floor and he looked down to find Tee-Gee sprawled on the tiles her tail wagging happily.  
  
He grinned and crouched down to pet her. 'Where did you come from hmm?'  
  
All the dogs had been farmed out to various relatives or neighbours at the doctors insistence so the house could be as quiet and calm as possible he knew his brothers had the Collie and Great Dane because they’d each been complaining to him that the other had got the better end of this deal. Mindy had told them off for over exciting him even as Richard pointed out the image of his younger brother being dragged across the grass of his nearby park by a dog almost twice his size could only be good for him. He hadn’t known who Tee-Gee had gone to though.  
  
'Well you don’t seem to have been neglected too badly.' He gave her one last scratch behind the ears and stood up to open the fridge and see what there was to drink. Pouring apple juice into the glass he heard Tee-Gee get up, shake herself and pad across the tiled floor. Closing the door he frowned as she left the kitchen without so much as a look behind her. Normally she stayed close beside him unless you tied her to something, it had resulted in him tripping over her on several occasions and tripping over his own feet to avoid standing on her on many others. Curious he followed his dog along the hall towards the den where he could now hear music playing quietly.  
  
A glance out the glass panels in the front door showed Mindy’s car to be missing but there weren’t any others sitting in the drive to tell him who else might be in the house.

Still Tee-Gee hadn’t been uneasy and while she might be sweet and placid she would still defend what she viewed as hers. Something that incidentally had lead to her being banned from James’ house when she decided Fusker was encroaching too much on Richard. The resulting chase had caused James to not speak to either Richard, for “bringing that stupid mutt in”, or Jeremy, for laughing so hard that at the scene that James’ new leather couch was in danger of an undignified end, until Fusker decided to return home three days later. Tee-Gee would now only go anywhere near James if Richard went too and normally only being on the lead would stop her wandering off, normally over to Jeremy.  
  
Smiling in delight he peeked around the doorway of the den to see his friend turned occasional lover sitting cross legged on the floor in front of the coffee table fiddling with something, his back to the door. Tee-Gee had flopped down beside Jeremy but looked back at Richard and wagged her tail as he slipped quietly into the room.  
  
The quiet music from the stereo and the soft thud of a curly tail on the carpet covered any noise he might have made and ensured the older man remained unaware of his approach. From just a few feet behind Jeremy he could see the surface of the coffee table and frowned slightly at the sight.  
  
'What ya doin’?'  
  
'Fuck!!' Jeremy jumped hard enough to bang his right knee into the low underside of the table and shot a quick glare over his shoulder. 'Did you have to do that?!'  
  
'Touchy, touchy.' Richard gave the other man a bright grin as he flopped onto the couch. 'So what are you doing?'  
  
Instead of answering Jeremy turned back to the table top and rubbed his knee. 'Should you be up?'  
  
'Wanted a drink.' Richard followed his words with the appropriate action and downed half of the juice in a couple of swallows. After a few minutes it became apparent Jeremy wasn’t going to answer.

'Jeeeer-eeemm-my.' he singsonged, almost guaranteeing it would irritate the other man into replying.  
  
'What does it look like I’m doing?' Jeremy snapped without giving him a glance.  
  
Richard pouted slightly then stopped when he realised Jeremy couldn’t see him. Tilting his head to one side he studied the tense way Jeremy was holding himself.

He hadn’t had a chance to speak to Jeremy properly in the weeks since the accident apart from one hurried call, someone always within a few feet meant a private conversation was out of the question plus the near constant stream of visitors….  
  
Richard frowned slightly.

Yes visitors were almost constant for the past couple of months. BUPA didn’t approve of crowding so only immediate family had been allowed in the room with him in the hospital. Once home the others had all appeared at various times but Jeremy hadn’t often been among them. The more he progressed in his recovery the less he’d seen of him.

James was by at least twice a week, Andy and Brian had both been regular faces but now he thought of it since he left Leeds he had probably seen more of Francie and the kids than the Clarkson he wanted to see. Hell even Mrs Clarkson had turned up for a couple of minutes before taking his mother out for coffee since she’d missed the last 'mothers meet up'.  
  
Opening his mouth he aimed a glare at the oblivious Jeremy then paused and thought for a moment, something he knew James wouldn’t believe possible. The longer the silence stretched the tenser Jeremy got, something was definitely going on in that curly head and he didn’t know what.  
  
Normally he’d just wade in and see what happened but a full out screaming match would end in another migraine for him and probably just piss Jeremy off even further. So if the older man wanted to avoid things then he would certainly rather just have his company for a while.  
  
'Weeeellll it looks like you’re playing with a jigsaw of some really _really_ ugly cats.' He picked the lid off the floor and made a face at it as he read the description.  
  
The other man sighed in annoyance. 'Congratulations it seems you didn’t kill…' He broke off abruptly and stared down at the puzzle pieces scattered on the table.  
  
On the other hand there was no point in wasting openings the size of a Hummer. 'Jez…'  
  
'By the way in case you were wondering where your family is my wife, having decided that you are probably as bad a patient as me, abducted them to give Mindy a break and marooned me here in the process.' Jeremy hastily changed the subject again while stabbing a finger at the squashed face of one of the Persian cats to force a reluctant piece to fit. Jeremy lifted the box and combing his fingers through the pieces, looking for something in particular or just for something to do Richard wasn’t sure.  
  
And back to avoidance. 'Where the hell did you get a “borderless jigsaw with five extra pieces” from?'  
  
'It’s yours.'  
  
'Uh..' Richard stared at the picture for a moment before shaking his head. 'No. I’m sure I would remember owning _that_.'  
  
'It’s one of the get well soon presents that arrived at the office for you. James has been bringing them down for Mindy to decide what to do with them.' Jeremy pointed to three large cardboard boxes in the corner that Richard had dismissed as Mindy starting to pack for their long delayed move.  
  
Setting the lid back down Richard got up and moved around the table, being careful not to stand on Tee-Gee as he went. The first box proved to be full of soppy store bought cards, cuddly toys, model cars, the occasional paper back book, jigsaws and, he realised opening one envelope, home made collage cards which were, he thought, more than slightly disturbing as he looked down at a multitude of images of his face grinning back at him.  
  
He dropped the card back into the first box and peeked into the second seeing more of the same. Turning back round to face Jeremy he knelt down at the opposite side of the table giving the disembodied feline faces a quick glance. 'So is it suppose to aid or hinder my recovery? Because really it looks and sounds horrible.'  
  
Now down at the same level he got his first clear look at Jeremy who was still avoiding eye contact with him. The other man looked older than normal, tired and slightly pinched around the eyes.  
  
'Shit Jeremy you look like hell.'  
  
'Pot, kettle, black etc.' Jeremy snapped.  
  
'Uhh... hate to break it to you Jez but you look much worse than I do.'  
  
He’d lost some weight while in hospital yes and some of the photographs from the move from Leeds had looked terrible but the lack of any visible injury combined with enforced rest and healthy eating had left him probably in better shape than before the crash.  
  
Jeremy’s eyes flicked up to give him a quick look then dropped away again as the older man made an annoyed scoffing noise in the back of his throat which Richard took as reluctant agreement. When nothing else was forth coming Richard decided enough was enough and glared across the table.  
  
Obviously aware of the dark look Jeremy shifted uncomfortably and focus on sorting through the box again.  
  
'What is going on Jeremy?'  
  
The direct question made the older man freeze fingers hovering just over a piece of white with part of a blue eye in the corner but still he made no attempt to answer or even meet Richard’s eyes.  
  
'Oh for fuck sake will you just talk to me?!'  
  
Jeremy sighed and seemed to sag in on himself before setting the box back down on the floor, the sought after piece still lying on top, and for the first time met Richard’s gaze flinching slightly at the very visible irritation.  
  
'Rich…'  
  
Jeremy’s mobile, sitting to one side of the table, choose that moment to warble an annoying ring-tone and inch it’s way closer to the edge. Both men looked at it for a second.  
  
'Don’t even think about it!'  
  
'I have to…' Jeremy snatched the phone up just as Richard made his own grab for it, then pushed himself up from the floor and with an apologetic look walked out of the room with the still warbling phone.  
  
'Bugger.' Richard glared at the empty doorway as he bounced a fist off the table in frustration then winced as the point of a jigsaw piece bit into the fleshy side of his hand.  
  
'Oww!' He objected and rubbed the offended area.  
  
A noise at the other side of the room caught his attention and he looked up to see Jeremy looking back into the room in concern at his exclamation. A glare however had the older man ducking back out into the hall again. Climbing to his own feet Richard moved quietly across the floor to be nearer the door.  
  
'Francie! What do you…? You can’t do that!'  
  
Whatever Francie had to say Jeremy didn’t seem to happy about Richard could hear an odd note of panic creeping into his voice.  
  
'No! Don’t you dare hang up on me! Francie?!'  
  
Richard peeked round the door frame to see Jeremy standing against the wall of the hall staring incredulously at his mobile phone in his hand.  
  
'Jeremy?' Richard waited until Jeremy turned his head towards him. 'Problems?'  
  
Jeremy looked back at the phone for a second then snapped it shut.  
  
'Car keys?'  
  
'What?' Richard stepped out into the hall wondering just what had happened.  
  
'Where are your car keys?' Jeremy said slowly still not looking up from the phone  
  
'In the hall table drawer.' Richard pointed at the table sitting a matter of feet in front of Jeremy then let his hand drop as he got a good look at it. 'Oh.'  
  
Jeremy’s eyes followed the direction he had pointed and saw what Richard had. The gaping hole in the centre of the front where the drawer should be.  
  
'Spares?'  
  
'Shut in a toolbox which is locked in the garage.' Richard muttered realising this wasn’t going to end well.  
  
'And the keys for the garage?' Jeremy closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the wall with a thump anticipating Richard’s answer.  
  
'In the hall table drawer.'  
  
'I see.' Jeremy sighed 'Excuse me for a minute.'  
  
Watching as Jeremy turned and almost sprinted up the stairs Richard sighed and wandered back in to collapse on the couch again and glare at the scattered jigsaw pieces.  
  
The volume of the half expected 'Fuck!' was still a surprise and caused Tee-Gee to startle awake.

Wanting something to do to delay him storming off after Jeremy he got up and took the dog into the kitchen to and fed her. Standing by the sink watching Tee-Gee clear her bowl in seconds reminded him he hadn’t eaten anything since breakfast and a glance at the clock showed it was just past six.

Crossing to the fridge he found a large Pyrex bowl of thick stew left over from yesterday hiding behind the milk and juice cartons and dumped the contents into two bowls which he then stuck in the microwave. Leaving that to heat he flicked the switch on the kettle and went back down the hall to the den to see if Jeremy had reappeared from upstairs.

Finding the room empty he went back past the kitchen door to the foot of the stairs earning himself an perplexed look from Tee-Gee who had started to follow him but only made it halfway down the hall before having to turn to follow him. Listening for a moment he could hear Jeremy talking urgently presumably to someone at the other end of the phone.  
  
Hearing the kettle click off Richard went back into the kitchen, his fluffy shadow a foot or so behind, and made a pot of tea which he set on the table then went back to collect mugs and cutlery before the microwave beeped.  
  
Opening the microwave he used a tea towel to lift both bowls out and set them on the table careful not to trip over Tee-Gee who had once again decided being upright was overrated and flopped down right in front of the table.  
  
Going to the door Richard stuck his head out and yelled. 'Jez! Dinner!!!' before returning and sitting down in front of one of the bowls. Picking up a fork he methodically mashed down the potatoes into what little gravy there was left then started on the little round carrot slices until by the time Jeremy appeared he was left with a thick paste and lumps of meat.  
  
'You didn’t have to cook anything.' Jeremy took the seat by the other bowl putting him across the table but one chair down rather that directly opposite and set his mobile down out of Richard’s reach  
  
'I didn’t.' Richard didn‘t look up but concentrated on squashing the lumps of steak. 'The microwave reheated it.'  
  
Jeremy rolled his eyes. 'You know what I mean.'  
  
'Well it didn’t look like you were doing much in the way of cooking what with the hiding upstairs.' Richard darted a glance up the see the other man scowl down at his dinner while rapidly chewing a mouthful.  
  
'I wasn’t hiding!' He protested as soon as he could speak.  
  
Richard flipped the lid of the ketchup bottle in the middle of the table and squeezed a dollop into the middle of his dinner letting the bottle make the noise he felt like making. Picking up his fork again he stirred it in until the bowlful took on a pinkish hue.  
  
'That’s disgusting.'  
  
'I like it. It’s the way I ate it as a kid.'  
  
Jeremy gave a slight snort but stopped staring at the bowl in horror and returned his attention to picking at his own dinner and fiddling with his mobile again.  
  
By the time Richard had finished his stew Jeremy was barely halfway through his own and had tossed the phone down in disgust five times neither of which was normal behaviour for the taller man.  
  
'Ok Jeremy, what the hell is going on?'  
  
'Uh.' Jeremy looked up at him with a slightly worried expression. 'Remember I said Francie took Mindy and the girls out for the afternoon? It seems there was a change in plans. They won’t be back by tonight.'  
  
It was a bit of a surprise but Mindy had been looking exhausted. However from Jeremy‘s expression that wasn’t all.

'And?' Richard prompted.  
  
'And they are going to the cottage on the Isle of Man and have quite literally stranded us here until they come back late on Sunday.'  
  
'Oh.' Richard spent a moment working our the various implications.  
  
'Yeah.' Jeremy muttered looking back down then viscously stabbed a chunk of potato with his fork.  
  
'Guess we’ll just have to entertain ourselves then, won’t we?' Richard made his tone as suggestive as possible and matched it with a lewd grin which fell away into a frown when Jeremy actually flinched at the idea.  
  
'Jer…'  
  
'Just for once can’t you fucking leave it alone!' Jeremy yelled glaring at him fiercely from across the table before pushed away and stalking across the kitchen to the sink.  
  
Richard blinked, for all their arguing he had had never see Jeremy truly lose his temper with him before. Pushing his own chair back he turned to snap back at the other man then sighed.  
  
'You know what? I don’t care any more. I’m going to bed. You know where the guest room is.'  
  
Leaving the kitchen Richard stomped up the stairs ignoring the sounds of Clarkson swearing to himself downstairs. Once upstairs Richard flopped on his bed groaning in frustration. So much for his resolution to avoid the shouting and let things work out by themselves.  
  
Getting up he tugged his dressing gown off and dumped it on the floor in a heap before crawling under the covers and pulling them up over his head in an attempt to block out the world.  
  
Jeremy’s earlier reaction to his suggestion worried him, the older man had been the one to start their relationship almost three years before mostly, sort of. He’d started the first kiss anyway. Now it seemed that Jeremy didn’t want to know about the two of them. Which was a complete turn around to that summer when they’d almost seemed to be a proper couple, barring the fact that they went back to their respective wives at the end of the day. In fact he’d bet Jeremy wouldn’t even be here if Francie hadn’t tricked him onto staying which was a complete about turn  
  
Curling up Richard concentrated on ignoring the sounds of dishes clattering from the kitchen and tried his best to do as he said and get some sleep.

*

  
Cracking open one eye Richard wondered what had woken him from his doze but before he could lift his head to look around the dark room a voice spoke from the end of he bed.  
  
'I’m sorry Richard.' Jeremy sighed. 'I don’t mean to be angry with you and its not even your fault really its just lots of stupid little things and you’ll only laugh at them. Hell I can’t even get it straight in my own head let alone explain it. Just…. We nearly lost you… I nearly lost you and I don’t want to. And there was nothing I could do except wait while you just lay there looking as though you were already dead. So still…. you’re never still.'  
  
Richard stayed silent knowing by Jeremy’s quite tone that the other man thought he was still asleep but risked lifting his head off the pillow a fraction to try and place the other man. It took a moment to spot the darker shadow that was Jeremy sitting at the foot of the bed back turned towards him.  
  
'God I’m so screwed.' Jeremy gave a soft mocking laugh and Richard dropped his head back down again. 'I mean we’ve been messing around together now on and off for how long? It seems like an age. And then you have to go and crash and I realise it’s more than just messing and I could lose you more completely than I ever thought. And I _can’t_ lose you as difficult as that is to admit. I can’t.'  
  
Another long silent pause.

'But then you wake up and the world starts moving again and the hospital throw us out so we don’t tire you and there’s nothing to do but watch the news and see everybody and their cousin, plus Quentin fuckwit Wilson, have their say and try to tear the show apart. All I could think was if we didn’t have the show then what would we have left? And the news reports agreed 'James May dashes to be at his friends bedside.', 'Clarkson concerned about colleague.', 'Bedside vigil by wife and May, while Clarkson campaigns to keep own show on the air.'. To the rest of the world we’re apparently colleagues and nothing more and that …. That hurt. And logically I know none of that is your fault but part of me wonders if it is true, is that how you see things too?  
  
You and James go out together, mess around with old heaps of junk. We… We go to work together, hide away in my flat in for the odd hour or two and occasionally snatch a few minutes between filming bits. I’ve never known why the hell you would be interested at all. Old, fat, balding pain in the arse is accurate and now apparently you can add self-pitying. God I need some sleep.' Jeremy trailed off sounding exhausted.  
  
Shock kept Richard still now while his mind raced trying to make sense of everything Jeremy had said. He hadn’t seen any of the TV news reports of course and Mindy had hidden the articles away until he was 'up to it'.  
  
Rolling over on to his back he pushed himself up of his elbows and opened his mouth to speak to the older man then frowned. Reaching out he flipped the bedside light on to confirm his suspicions.

Jeremy wasn’t in the room any more but the wrinkles on the throw proved it hadn‘t been a weird dream. Muttering quietly to himself he kicked the covers off his feet and sat up. How the bigger man could move almost silently when he wanted he could never work out.  
  
Reaching down he dragged his dressing gown around his shoulders, not bothering with the sleeves and flipping off the light again made his way out into the hall which was lit only by the small night light outside the bathroom for the girls. Glancing over the banister the Richard could see the downstairs lights were out so he turned down the other landing towards the guest rooms. The only currently habitable guest room was at the far end of the landing and the door was pushed over but not closed tight.  
  
Creeping closer to the door Richard smirked as he heard Jeremy flip himself over in the and punch a pillow into submission. The other man never slept well when stressed and from how he looked and what he said Richard doubted Jeremy had gotten much sleep in the past few weeks. The smirk dropped away with a renewed twinge of guilt that his accident had caused so much pain to those around him.  
  
Taking a deep breath Richard pushed the door open quickly and stepped inside the dim light just enough to let him see Jeremy to bolt upright in the bed  
  
'Richard? What’s wrong? Are you all right?' Jeremy tugged at the tangled covers.  
  
Before the older man could free himself Richard crossed to stand at the edge of the bed and knelt on the edge. 'Shove over.'  
  
Surprisingly Jeremy acquiesced, shifting across the bed a couple of feet. Once enough space was clear Richard tossed his dressing gown into the corner and climbed in, settling down with his head on a pillow then reached down to tug the covers up.  
  
'What are you doing?' Jeremy sounded almost lost and Richard opened his eyes again to see the other man still sitting up staring down at him.  
  
Reaching up with one hand Richard gripped the back of Jeremy’s T-shirt and pulled making him lie back or risk being strangled.  
  
'I’m trying to get some sleep. I had managed it but some sod insisted on waking me up by talking to me so I figured I’d make it easier.'  
  
The man beside him went completely still.  
  
'Jeremy?' Richard rolled on to his side and propped his head up on one hand to look down at his companion in concern when he didn’t reply or even seem to still be breathing.

'Oi!' He punctuated the exclamation with a sharp poke to centre of the other man's chest with a finger before resting his arm across it. It seemed to have the desired effect of regaining Jeremy’s attention, his eyes snapping open with the explosive release of breath. Richard waited until Jeremy looked at him.  
  
'I love you too you fucking moron.' Richard kept eye contact until he felt Jeremy relax under him. 'Now go to sleep.'  
  
  
End

Written between October 2006 and January 2007

 


End file.
